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February 8, 2007

Random Thoughts


Walk It Off, Anna!

anna

This is apparently one of the last pictures taken of Anna Nicole Smith, obviously taken very shortly after she collapsed. Splash News Online is reporting that they have a video of Smith receiving CPR. Awesome. Because I like to do nothing better before I go to bed than watch a video of a drugged-out diet pill addict/old man banger/imbecile slowly dying.

But it is kinda funny that she landed right in the middle of that swirl. She was a pro right up until the end.

— chisholm, 9:30 pm | permalink | 15 comments


College Hoops Pick of the Night

While all the amateurs who took UNC -4 last night were sweating out the final 3 point try from Duke, those of us who already had Clemson (pause to yawn) were kicking back and relaxing.  Sure a win is a win, but it’s nice to get an easy one every now and then…  And speaking of easy wins, let’s try and get another one tonight on Pac 10 Thursday!
 
Just like last week we’re going back to the well with both Barry Tompkins and Washington State - who’s a 5 point favorite at home vs. Stanford.  Like I said, the general rule is to always bet the underdog in a Gus Johnson game and always bet the favorite in a Barry Tompkins game.  That’s just the way it is.  Stanford is legit though -- they’ve beaten UCLA, USC, won AT Virginia and already defeated Washington State earlier in the year by 3.  But Drew Bledsoe U, now 19-4 and ranked #14th in the country, is having a “special” season after years of being absolutely terrible.  This year will mark WSU’s first appearance in the NCAA tournament in God knows how long.  Maybe never, I don’t know.  Coming off back to back wins at Arizona and Arizona State, I like Derrick Low and Co. to get some revenge against Stanford who’s won the last 4 meetings and cover the 5 points at home tonight. The pick: Cougars -5
 
-manzo
— Jerry Thornton, 5:30 pm | permalink | 20 comments


Would You Wrestle A Girl?

w

Salt Lake Tribune - : Candace Workman, a sophomore at Uintah High School in Vernal, Utah, will compete in the state wrestling tournament, a first for a girl grappler, according to the SALT LAKE TRIBUNE.  The 103-pounder has a 35-6 record this year.  This year, six boys - all from out-of-state schools - chose to forfeit instead of wrestle her, she said. Some said they did not want to lose to a girl, but most declined for religious reasons.  "I hate that,"she said. "There were two brothers from Wyoming that said it was against their morals and their religion. That made me upset. They are (Latter-day Saints) and so am I. It's not anything sexual out there, trust me."

Wait a minute.  She is 35-6 and only has six wins by way of forfeit?  Now I’m no mathematician, but by my count that means she beat 29 dudes!   Oh man that’s embarrassing.   What kind of whuss do you have to be to lose to a chick in wrestling?  I have more respect for the guys who forfeited and said they didn’t want to lose to a girl.   I mean if you have any doubt in your mind that you can't handle the girl than you need to forfeit.  It’s the only way to get out of there with any shred of dignity.   I mean my buddy McShay who now works for Scouts Inc and can be seen regularly on ESPN whiffed three times vs. a chick in the Regionals of Senior Little League, but we were only 13 years old at the time.  And baseball isn’t wrestling.  I’m pretty sure McShay could have beat her up if he had too, although he clearly couldn’t catch up to her fast ball.  Regardless, how do you face the coach after letting a girl beat you?    I think you just need to quit wrestling and take up knitting or something if that happens.   And how do you wrestle a girl in the first place?    Is it just a given that you can grab boobs and she can grab junk?   It must be right? 

— elpresidente, 4:35 pm | permalink | 23 comments


BREAKING UPDATE: ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS DEAD

Dead

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. (AP)  Anna Nicole Smith, the former Playboy playmate whose bizarre life careened from marrying an octogenarian billionaire to the untimely death of her son, died Thursday after collapsing at a South Florida hotel, one of her lawyers said. Smith, 39, collapsed and was unresponsive while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino, said the attorney, Ron Rale. She was rushed to a hospital.

``She checked in Monday at 8 p.m. as a guest. She was due to check out tomorrow,'' said Danielle Giordaano, a spokeswoman for the hotel.

Smith had been a tabloid staple even before she became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. Readers were fascinated by her bombshell good looks, her marriage to an elderly billionaire and subsequent court fight over his estate, her weight fluctuations, and last year, the sudden death of her 20-year-old son, Daniel Smith.

And of course some of her classic NSFW work...

— unclebuck, 3:46 pm | permalink | 50 comments


Who Won the Lingerie Bowl?

So two weeks ago the cover girl of Barstool Sports was a girl who was in this year’s lingerie bowl.    We had her all dressed up in her lingerie bowl uniform and even did a big interview about the game and shit like that.   Only one problem.   The game didn’t happen.   The Lingerie Bowl was cancelled this year.  And to be honest, I can’t believe I haven’t gotten any emails about this yet.   This is the classic if a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it make any noise?  Regardless, this is vintage Barstool Sports.     We were actually planning this cover for like 3 months and I was telling everybody and their grandmother about how we had a chick from the Lingerie Bowl all lined up.  And then poof, the game doesn’t even happen.   Some would say it’s the Barstool Cover Model jinx.   The word on the street is that Bodog.com backed out of sponsoring the game because of the new anti gambling/anti Stool Government legislation.   Anyway, here are clips from last year’s game to make up for the cancellation.   

— elpresidente, 3:43 pm | permalink | 5 comments


BREAKING NEWS: Anna Nicole Smith is down, may be out

ANS

(CBS) MIAMI WFOR-TV in Miami is reporting that Anna Nicole Smith has been found unresponsive in her hotel room at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida.

Smith has been reportedly taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, Florida after a witness says paramedics were pumping her chest when they took her out of the hotel.

The End?

Is this the end?

— unclebuck, 3:08 pm | permalink | 31 comments


Loose Stool???

Check out the new diet pill approved by the FDA:

DrugWhen taken with meals, orlistat blocks the absorption of about one-quarter of any fat consumed. That fat -- about 150 to 200 calories worth -- is passed out of the body in stools, which can be loose as a result. About half of patients in trials experienced gastrointestinal side effects. The Food and Drug Administration said the most common side effect of the product is a change in bowel habits including loose stool and some oily spotting. Eating a low-fat diet will reduce the likelihood of this side effect.

EaglesLoose stool? Oily spotting? There is also word of uncontrolable craps...So would you take this? UB might if he had a week's vacation and spent the whole time at home...You know, cover the couch in plastic, just in case, then get started on that bucket of KFC extra crispy or maybe try and tackle the "Reilly Burger" from Eagles Deli...(UB has only been able to handle the Mega Burger, 1.5 lbs of beef, 1.5 lbs of fries, which they don't even serve any more)

— unclebuck, 2:52 pm | permalink | 4 comments


NY Trying To Ban Crossing the Street

sBostonherald.com - A New York State senator wants to ban the walking classes from using their MP3 players, cell phones, Blackberrys and any other distracting electronic devices while crossing the street. The pol, Carl Kruger of Brooklyn, says he’s heard too many tales of strollers winding up struck by moving vehicles, but Bostonians said yesterday they think his idea sounds off key.’

I like this idea.  And maybe while we’re at it we can ban chewing gum and crossing the street at the same time.  Or how about we ban crossing the street altogether.    You just are stuck on whatever side of the road you are walking on for eternity.    This way nobody will get hurt.   The only bad thing is what will Arod do to generate good publicity if he can't push people into oncoming traffic and then pull them onto the sidewalk right before they get hit?

Honestly, sometimes politicians just shock me with their stupidity.  There has to be better things to spend your time on than worrying about how people cross the street.   Listen if somebody is dumb enough not to pay attention when they are crossing the street than they deserve to get hit.  That’s the way life works.  It’s that simple. 

 

— elpresidente, 2:37 pm | permalink | 20 comments


Gotta Love Hockey Sluts Part II

This clip proves two things:

  1. Hockey chicks really do tend to be sluts
  2. Guys who know a lot about hockey, like hockey broadcasters for instance, don't really know about much else.

Yeah, yeah...it was on Deadspin.

— Jerry Thornton, 1:10 pm | permalink | 13 comments

I disagree with statement Number 2. Number 1 is balls accurate.

Damus, Feb 08 2007, 1:16 pm

I like the "J-High" reference- trying to sound like he doesn't know her name. Too obvious.

Giggles, Feb 08 2007, 1:22 pm

I wonder if Cuthbert and McAdams were hockey sluts. It seems that this would be a U.S. phenomenon because every girl in Canada would be a slut if this phenomenom existed across the border.

cool_hand, Feb 08 2007, 1:47 pm

Went to an old man's tourney in Saskatchewan, and not only were there chicks there, they were knowledgeable about the game. (I heard some broad say to another that "our forecheck looks weak.")

This was a OLD MAN BEER TOURNEY! I was shocked. She wasn't kidding. I wanted to bone her on the spot.

Damus, Feb 08 2007, 2:05 pm

Cuthbert is currently dating a hockey player who is now on the Rangers (go traded from LA last week) so maybe she still is. She's still hot as hot can be though.

CStudio, Feb 08 2007, 2:11 pm

the Rules of Engagement for dating a hockey player

1. We want a hot piece of ass that no one else has touched as our "on
paper" girlfriend. This girl most likely will not have been fucked by
any other team members, thus she is Prime Meat (see Bible). We keep dirties
on the side to bang.


2. We will cheat on you, accept it. You may not find out, but at one
point or another, we will drop our hammer in some disgusting piece of ass.


3. You should treat us like gold, buy us shit, invite us over for
dinner, basically take care of us. But don't be fooled, this is not a two way
street. We will treat you like shit, and you will accept it cause you
are living in our shadow of glory.


4. All hockey boys are the same. We are dirty men, we bang anything
when we're drunk, and half the time with a couple of the boys watching in a
handy closet. Don't be fooled into thinking we are that one "special"
guy that is not like the rest. We are all dirty.

5. If we make it big, you are not riding the high road with us. Don't
dream, we are simply using you as a nice piece of ass who does nice
shit for us while we are away from home. That's it, after we make the Show,
we will never talk to you again.


6. When we cheat on you, and you find out, you will make a big deal,
but eventually take us back. This is because your life sucks and you love
telling your friends you know us personally. Smoke our poles you filthy
war-pigs and know your shitty roles.


7. We do not truly like you. We are using you for ass and your car. We
may like you a bit, but never enough to do anything nice for you. Accept
that.

8. If we get traded, we will not call or visit. If you wish to fly to
see us or bus, we will bang you. But that is the only way. Learn this you
filthy puck bags.

9. We live the lives of 10 men by the age of 18. If we tell you we've
slept with 5 girls, multiply that by 5 for the true kill count. You are
simply another notch on our filthy belts.

10. Our lives are gongers, don't try and change us. We are dirt y proud
men who stick by our boys first, we don't rat. We will do nasty shit
just to tell the story in the room. That is our lives. We are kings to men,
and God's to you.

Capt Diego, Feb 08 2007, 2:22 pm

I speak from experience because I went to High School and College @ bigtime hockey schools. And in regards to statement #1, that couldn't be more true. Very Very true, I might add.

jessdesros, Feb 08 2007, 2:29 pm

I am male and I live on Earth and #1 is also true for me and everyone else I know. Does that make us all hockey players?

mfsaint, Feb 08 2007, 2:43 pm

I have a buddy whose Dad made him wear figure skates his first year of hockey. I crack up everytime I think of it.

Soog, Feb 08 2007, 3:02 pm

Alyssa Milano has traveled this road as well; she got bored and went to pitchers

friar17, Feb 08 2007, 3:09 pm

Soog,

Is he now the toughest guy in the world or the biggest pussy? I have to believe this resulted in one extreme or the other.

MACKREILLY, Feb 08 2007, 3:10 pm

1.) dead on. gotta love the puck bunnies.
example: http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/01/fivehole.jpg

2.) could not be more wrong.

StuckinNY, Feb 08 2007, 3:22 pm

i have to read further down before i post, dropped the ball on that one.

StuckinNY, Feb 08 2007, 3:27 pm

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Lame Ass Sports Banners

Pats

Championship banners and retired numbers are the cornerstones of great professional sports franchises. Looking up at the roof of the TD Banknorth Garden and you'll see 21 World Titles and dozens of retired numbers. Even if you don't know much about the Celtics and Bruins, you walk inside and see the flags and you know the teams have rich histories (even if they've sucked for the last decade). Then there are some other banners that, while the may look impressive to the untrained eye, are really something of an embarrassment and a joke among sports fans. Your Uncle Buck has racked his brain to come up with a few examples of Lame Ass Sports Banners, with Barstool's national readership, hopefully the residents of Stoolsville can come up with some more:

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: 2003 AFC FINALISTS

COLTSUB has been thinking about this one since the Colts won the AFC title a few weeks back. Now that they have a Super Bowl banner to put up, will they take down this ridiculous banner that declares them the 2003 AFC runner up? Prior to this season this banner was a perfect example of how they were just dying to "crown their ass" as the unrecognized best team in the league.

BOSTON RED SOX: 1999 DIVISION SERIES CHAMPIONS

Sox

The photo above shows the current championship banners at Fenway Park. Notice anything missing? How about the 1999 Division Series Champions banner. Thank freaking God that awful thing is gone. Dan Duquette's Red Sox put the banner up after getting past the Cleveland Indians to reach their 1st ALCS since 1990, even though they were beat in 5 games by the Yankoffs. They basically made the "championship" up. There are 2 Division Series in each League. When you win, you just advance to the next round. You don't get a trophy or rings, but that didn't keep Duquette and his crew from raising a championship banner.

BOSTON CELTICS RETIRED NUMBERS...AT THE HARTFORD CIVIC CENTER

Hartford

There are still a few banners that hang in the rafters of the Hartford Civic Center, even though major league sports hasn't been played there since the Whalers left in 1997. The banners above (which includes a WHA Championship banner even though they won it while in Boston) represent the minimal success of the Whalers Franchise. There is one other major league sports banner that you don't see in the photo, it's actually off to the side. Retired numbers of Boston Celtics. The Celtics played a few "home" games a year from 1975-1995 in an attempt to steal fans caught between Boston and New York. The last number UB recalls being retied was Larry Bird in 1993, though he's pretty sure Kevin McHale and Dennis Johnson are also on there. Just ridiculous.

THE FANS

12th ManOne of the dumbest banners you'll see in sports is the one that represents "the fans" as the difference maker for a team. In Seattle it's a big #12 flag and in Buffalo the 12th Man is honored in the Ring of Honor.

No matter how loud the fans are (Seattle) or how much the teams claim they make a difference in the game, it's just another attempt by owners and management to try and create a legacy for a team that has never been very successful.

Other Retired numbers:

There are plenty of retired numbers in pro sports that are a little ridiculous or don't make much sense, but these two are on the top of the list:

TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS #12: WADE BOGGS

BoggsWade Boggs was a Hall of Fame 3rd baseman. Had 3,010 hits during his career, played 2439 games and had 9180 at bats. With the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Wade played 213 games and had 727 at bats, yet he is still one of two retired numbers for the D-Rays (the other is Jackie Robinson).

The number retirement for the Tampa resident came along with his insistence that he would be inducted into Cooperstown wearing a Devil Rays cap. That was later nixed after the Hall declared he would have to wear a Red Sox cap. It was reported that Wade was paid $1 Million to do so. (That's a lot of chicken) The only major accomplishment of Boggs's career while with the D-Rays was passing the 3,000 hit mark. Of the 3,010 hits in his a career, 2,800 came while playing for the Sox and Yankoffs.

BUFFALO BILLS RETIRED #32: OJ SIMPSON

Juice

You walk into Ralph Wilson Stadium to see the Bills and whomever play and you look around and then it hits you..."Is that OJ Simpson's name up there?" You suddenly remember the "murderer" in the Trial of the Century had an amazing career with the Bills and is not only still in the NFL Hall of Fame, but up on the Bills Ring of Honor. It is really one of the strangest sights in all of sports...

— unclebuck, 12:49 pm | permalink | 31 comments


Superhero Top Guns

This video is pretty funny. But am I the only one who didn't know who all the superheros were? Obviously you got spider man. I think one of the guys is Thor. The line judge is the guy from X Men. And I have no idea who the other two dudes are. You'd think they would have picked a couple more front line superheroes right? I mean maybe the Incredible Hulk, Superman or Batman? I wonder how they decided on Thor?

— elpresidente, 12:25 pm | permalink | 14 comments


Gotta Love Hockey Sluts

c

You got to love hockey sluts.   If I had to rank what athletes get the most tail in college believe it or not I’d put hockey players at the top of the list  I just feel like college chicks love Puck heads.   At least this was the case at Michigan.   And that may be because the football and basketball players were almost like professional athletes already.  I mean you really didn’t see too much of them around campus.  But the hockey guys were a completely different story.   They were everywhere all at once and they were always throwing hockey house parties where all these hot chicks would show up and get in line to get banged.   At least this is how I remember it.   As a side note, I got into a mini fight with a Michigan Hockey player when I was at school there.   It was over a game of NHL.  I was pummeling him and he just couldn’t take it anymore and he tried to fight me.   I really can’t blame him.    I was the best and most obnoxious NHL player in the world around that time.   And the fact that I shut off all the lights in the room and blasted the “Final Countdown” before each game drove people nuts.    But it ain’t bragging if you can back it up.

— elpresidente, 12:13 pm | permalink | 15 comments


Gooooulet!

I've never been one to make a big deal about Super Bowl commercials. I usually spend the commercial timeouts grabbing another beer or getting rid of the last one I finished, so I missed most them anyway. But this there was one that I actually enjoyed. If this one comes on while I'm watching a DVR'd show, I absolutely will stop fast forwarding and watch it again. Why? Because whatever "It" is, Robert Goulet has "It." More than you or I will ever have.

 

And the GoDaddy.com girl gets my attention every year too.

 

 

 

 

— Jerry Thornton, 12:00 pm | permalink | 3 comments


Big and Bigger

I couldn't sleep the other night, so at about 2:30 in the morning I got up and watched the first half of "Dumb and Dumber." And I remember asking myself, "What ever happened to Lauren Holly?" When "D&D" came out, she was one of the most sought after chicks in Hollywood. Jim Carrey basically made a fool out of himself going on every talk show gushing about how much he was in love with her. Plus she dated Nomar. Now she's just another LA actress, trying to eke out a career on "CSI"s and "Law & Order"s.

I wonder if she's done anything lately to try to boost her career? (Thanks to poster BruceLeeRoy for the "After" pic.)

— Jerry Thornton, 11:02 am | permalink | 7 comments


Thursday Caption Contest

BJZ

Caption A: B-J for Jay Z?

Brit Thong

Caption B: Britney's Crack Problem

Jordan

Caption C: Holy tit

— unclebuck, 10:42 am | permalink | 14 comments


Sweet 16

RondoThe Celtics added to their team record losing streak last night with their 16th in a row, 91-79 to the Heat, and while the media continues to avoid the big picture in favor of columns on "historic failures," your Uncle Buck can only laugh.

Take ESPN's SportsCenter for example...They had a nice little animated graphic thing showing the 16 NBA Championship banners fading and turning into "L" banners...How cute...They also continued the countdown to the NBA record for consecutive losses...Who gives a crap? Are they trying to fire up the Celtics players since they have an NBA TV contract?

On the flip side Bob Lobel and WBZ have the nightly standings in reverse, showing how far the Cs are behind in the race for the worst record and best shot at the #1 lottery pick.

(BOSTON GLOBE) Words like "tough" and "frustrating" have become part of the everyday vocabulary, so much so that Wyc Grousbeck, one of the team's owners, distributed some inspirational reading to the lads, according to the team. In each player's locker after the game was a copy of "The Adversity Advantage: Turning Everyday Struggles Into Everyday Greatness."

Sure Wyc wasn't laughing out the side of his mouth while handing those out?

Shaq

ShaqOn an funny side note, the Celtics just happened to be playing Shaq on the a night where Wally Szczerbiak landed on Leon Powe's foot while trying to block a shot, hurting his ankle. Powe was on the bench, reminding UB of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry David, taking in Lakers game in the front row, mistakenly trips Shaq with his out stretched legs.

Joe Namath, your thoughts:

Joe

"I could care less about the team strugg-al-ing...I want to kiss you..."

— unclebuck, 10:14 am | permalink | 10 comments


N-ASS-A

From the Orlando Sentinel regarding the astronaut love triangle:

NASA is about astronauts...so NASA meticulously micro-manages their image. The names may change, but the astronauts remain the same. They are Ken and Barbie, attractive and wholesome, smart and successful.

And very much void of genitals.

NASA is the ultimate prude when it comes to sex. If you want to see one of the agency's chipper public-relations soldiers go sour, ask him about the long-rumored 200-Mile-High Club.

You know who loves this story more than anyone? More than the tabloids, the news channels or even the gossip blogs? NASA, that's who. Did you see the press conference yesterday? Neither did I, at least not more than five seconds of it. But the NASA guys had this gleam in their eye, like for the first time in a generation someone was interested in what they had to say. For probably these guys whole careers they've been holding these dreary press briefings in front of a handful of bored pool reporters who drew the short straw back at the office and wanted to be anywhere other than where they were.

Now, these guys are sexy. They've got something people want: sex scandal. These guys are smart (hell, they're rocket scientists), they've got to realize the opportunity they've got here. Everyone loves a girl fight. The world can't get enough of 'em. And if they play their cards right, this scandal could be to NASA what Tonya and Nancy was to figure skating: the thing that puts them back on the map.

You can just picture them at NASA headquarters, poor anonymous drones who spend their whole careers begging for funding for some Venus probe no one gives a crap about, and they wake up this morning to find themselve the center of the nation's media attention. "Look, gentlemen. If we play our cards right, we can make the Space Agency relevant again. The problem thus far is we've been hiring mutts like Lisa Nowak, and we can't make that mistake again. [pounding table] We...need...hotter...astronettes! Right away! In the meantime...can anyone arrange to have Colleen Shipman step out of a car an flash her vag to the paparazzi?"

Marketing 101: Sex sells. Works for us, will work for them. Goddamn shame for the space agency that Nowak looks like Seth Myers. Better reevaluate that screening process there, fellas.

 

— Jerry Thornton, 9:54 am | permalink | 9 comments


Clock is Ticking on "Lost"

I've been watching "Lost" since the pilot. And like a lot of people, I've been getting increasingly frustrated with the way every episode raises three questions, presents two unexplained phenomenon, introduces one new mysterious character and features seven or eight "WTF?" moments, and gives us an answer about once every four shows.

So when "Lost" went on its winter break, I put it on a very short leash. If it keeps posing riddles without solving them, I'm bailing. I am to "Lost" what Jack Bauer is to Grae; I've got the show tied in a chair with a lamp chord and I'm injecting it with eight cc's of Hurtsalotium because I want answers, dammit. And I want them now.

Well last night's second half of the season premiere delivered. It was a motherlode of answers given and mysteries explained Just last night alone we learned:

  • Exactly who "The Others" are and why they're acting the way they do.
  • What happened to Michael.
  • Why Hurley's lottery numbers are on the hatch and what their true nature is.
  • Why Locke can walk and the other lady's cancer is in remission.
  • Everything about the polar bear.
  • Who the dude is with the eye patch.
  • How Desmond could've met Jack on the mainland and still ended up on the island and what Libby was doing in the nut house with Hurley.
  • What the black smoke is.
  • Who the radio transmissions were from and what they're all about
  • Exactly what the hell the Dharma Initative is up to and who's behind it.

Just kidding. We didn't learn a freaking thing. Just another episode that moved an inch forward and a mile backwards. It was all just things we already know:

  • If you want a Hollywood chick who looks good running through the jungle soaking wet in a braless halter top, Evangeline Lilly is your go-to girl.
  • Sawyer is a bottomless pit of nicknames. Last night included "Sheena," "Lollipop" and of course, "Freckles."
  • Juliette is sexy.
  • Jack's range of emotion is "Seething" to "Raging." And everything in between.

The rest was all stuff no one cares about, like Juliette's backstory and how she did pioneering work in fertility and her ex husband was mean to her. Or how some guy name Carl was being tortured by the Others, "Clockwork Orange" style. In fact the only thing we learned last night was that Juliette is being kept on the island (no, the other island) against her will, which we could've been told in about 30 seconds. Instead it took an entire episode.

Tick...tick...tick...

— Jerry Thornton, 7:17 am | permalink | 17 comments